


Sigh No More, Beatrice

by monkeystypinghamlet



Category: Nothing Much to Do
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Some Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-27
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 16:00:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2031183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkeystypinghamlet/pseuds/monkeystypinghamlet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I need a favour,” Ben said. “I need a girlfriend for the night.”<br/>“What? You want me to be your girlfriend?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Just for the night?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>Bea paused and stared at him.<br/>“Is this an elaborate ploy to ask me out?”<br/>“No,” Ben said. “Definitely not, believe me. It’s just that my ex-girlfriend is going to be there and she’s been a little...well, clingy since we broke up.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Second nmtd fic. Can't seem to stop writing! Otps that fake date are just irresistible so I thought I'd give it a go. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy x

Ben had been standing on Beatrice’s doorstep for the last ten minutes. He really didn’t want to do this. In fact, he’d walk straight back to his car right now if his phone would stop beeping every two minutes.

_Rebecca: Looking forward to seeing you again tonight! Xx_

Ben didn’t have a particularly dramatic dating history, but this girl had caused him enough trouble all by herself. When he’d broken up with her last year after six months together, he thought that would be the end. But she didn’t seem to be able to take no for an answer and kept pursuing Ben even after he’d stopped talking to her. Just do it, Ben told himself. So he rang the doorbell and tried not to wince as he heard Bea coming down the stairs.

“Benedick,” she said, glancing at him with a gleam in her eyes. “To what occasion do I owe this insurmountable pleasure?”

“Are you going to Pedro’s party tonight?” he asked.

“Is the Pope Catholic?”

“Well, seeing as the last one _retired_ , I can’t say I’ve got much faith in the new one eith–”

“I was just about to leave, actually,” Bea interrupted. “Why, do you need a lift or something?”

“I need a little more than that,” Ben muttered.

“Could you share that with the whole class, Benedick?” Bea said. “And quickly? I should really get going.”

“I need a favour,” Ben said. “I need a girlfriend for the night.”

“What? You want me to be your girlfriend?”

“Yes.”

“Just for the night?”

“Yes.”

Bea paused and stared at him.

“Is this an elaborate ploy to ask me out?”

“ _No_ ,” Ben said. “Definitely _not_ , believe me. It’s just that my ex-girlfriend is going to be there and she’s been a little...well, clingy since we broke up.” He tried to gage how Bea was reacting. She certainly didn’t seem to be in a hurry anymore and was leaning casually against the doorframe.

“So you need my help.”

“Bea, please don’t make this hard–”

“What’s in it for me?’ Ben’s phone buzzed again.

_Rebecca: Wear that sexy blue shirt of yours ;)_

“Anything,” Ben said. “Seriously. You’d have my eternal gratitude.”

“Why are you asking me of all people?”

“Well, Claudio would kill me if I even thought about asking Hero,” he said.

“True,” Bea agreed.

“I can’t ask Meg because of Robbie–”

“She’d probably do it anyway.”

“–and Ursula already said no.”

“What about Pedro? Balthazar?”

“Bea. Please.” Ben pulled a puppy dog face and put his hands together as if he were praying.

“ _Fine_.” Bea said. “But you so owe me.”

“Yes!” Ben exclaimed.

“And you’re driving.”

“Fine by me.” Bea got her house keys and shut the front door behind her. She was wearing a short blue dress that matched her eyes. Well, Ben thought, she’s easily the most gorgeous fake-girlfriend I’ve ever had.

“I’m starting to think I’ll regret this," Bea said as she got into Ben’s car.

“Sigh no more, Beatrice,” Ben said, cheering up already. “It’ll be fun. I promise.”


	2. Chapter 2

When Ben tried to take Bea’s hand, her instinctive reaction was to slap it away.

“Oh, right,” she said, remembering what they were doing.

“You _can_ do this, can’t you?” Ben asked. She scoffed.

“Of course. I’m just not much of a hand-holder,” she explained.

“Oh,” Ben said. “Neither am I, actually.” So he let go. When Pedro opened the door, Ben had his arm nested comfortably around Bea’s waist. Pedro raised his eyebrows.

“Is Rebecca here yet?” Bea asked with about as much charm as a venomous viper.

“Ah, makes sense,” Pedro worked out. “Yeah, she’s out back.” Ben groaned. “Chill out, man. Maybe she’s changed.”

“Believe me,” Ben said, thinking of his phone. “She hasn’t.”

“Well, you know where the drinks are,” Pedro said. “Have fun.” Bea rolled her eyes.

“So what does Rebecca look like?” she asked.

“Uh.”

“She’s blonde, isn’t she?”

“Why do you assume that?” Ben asked.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Bea said as she spotted Hero. “Thank God,” she muttered.

“Bea, wait–” Ben tried but Bea was already walking towards her cousin.

“Hero, I’m so glad to see you–”

“Bea, have you met Rebecca?” Ben asked, motioning to the girl who had been talking to Hero. Ben saw Beatrice curse under her breath. Well, he’d tried to stop her!

“No, I haven’t,” Bea said, smiling sickeningly. “Introduce me, won’t you, teddy bear?” Ben glared back at her.

“Rebecca, this is my girlfriend Beatrice,” he said and watched her face twitch.

“Oh,” Rebecca said, staring at Bea. “How nice.” Meanwhile, Hero mouthed _what?_ at Bea who immediately started gagging and shaking her head as soon as Rebecca looked the other way.

“Long story,” Ben coughed.

“I was hoping we could catch up, Ben,” Rebecca persisted, batting her eyelashes. “It’s been a while.” Bea’s face contorted in disgust and she turned to look at Ben: _is this girl for real?_

“I’m afraid that might not be possible,” Bea said, snuggling up to Ben. “I’m not letting him leave my side tonight. Isn’t that right?”

“You got it, sweetheart,” Ben said, bopping Bea on the nose as Rebecca started walking away.

“Come on,” Hero said, pulling them both towards the group of people dancing.

“So what’s going on?” she asked.

“That was Ben’s ex,” Bea explained. “I’m pretending to be his girlfriend and in exchange he’s going to clean our house tomorrow morning.”

“ _What?_ ” Ben exclaimed.

“You said anything, right?” Bea said.

“Ugh. Whatever.”

“Quick, she’s looking this way again,” Hero said. Ben reached for Bea’s waist and pulled her closer. She slipped her arms around his neck and suddenly they were very close, swaying back and forth, their foreheads almost touching. Ben could see the tiny flecks of grey in Bea’s eyes, and the way that she was looking at him like she never had before…

Bea pulled away, taking her hands off Ben’s neck and shaking her head for a second. She coughed.

“I think I need some air,” she said.

“What? Oh, yeah. Course.” They left the dancing and made for the back door but stopped when they saw Meg and Robbie outside making out.

“Um,” Bea said. “What’s the backup plan?” Ben spotted another open door not far away.

“Follow me,” he said, leading Bea into the bathroom.

“What the fuck–”

“Trust me,” Ben said. “We’ll be alone in here.”


	3. Chapter 3

“I guess this is good, right?” Beatrice said. “Your ex will be furious when she finds you’ve sneaked off with your new girlfriend.”

“What? Oh, yeah.” It felt like forever since Ben had thought about Rebecca.

“Ben, what the - why are you climbing into the bath?”

“Shit, sorry. Bad habit.” Ben hadn’t even realised he was doing it. “I’ve just vlogged from here before, that’s all.”

“You vlog from the _bath_?” Bea asked.

“It’s a long story,” Ben said. “If you watched my videos, maybe you’d understand.”

“Right, like you watch mine.”

“I’ll have you know my channel doesn’t have the world’s most disgusting make-up tutorial on it.”

“No, you talk about harmless things like the _deaths of birds_.” Ben was silent for a second.

“What was wrong?” he asked.

“What?”

“Why did you need some air?”

“Oh, um, I don’t know. It felt really hot in there all of a sudden.”

“Right…” Ben said, starting to grin. “Sure.”

“Don’t make that face,” Bea said, “or I’ll go outside and have a chat to my new friend Rebecca.” Ben’s smile dropped instantly.

“Fine, if you want to be like that,” Ben said.

“Well, you seemed pretty…caught up in the moment as well,” Bea argued.

“I’m just an in-the-moment kind of guy.” Bea groaned.

“Oh, not this _again_ ,” she said. “You know what? I feel better. Let’s go.” But as Bea opened the door, she froze as if she’d seen a ghost.

“I think I need that favour now,” Bea muttered and that was the only warning Ben got.

Bea’s hands snaked back around his neck, exactly where they’d been when they were dancing, exactly the spot that sent shivers through Ben’s body.

“What–” Ben barely had time to speak before suddenly her lips were on his and every thought in his body melted away. Surprisingly he felt no protest at what was happening and leaned in towards her. Everything in the world was this girl in front of him, nothing else mattered.

“Oh, sorry,” Ben heard a guy’s voice. “Didn’t see you there, Bea.”

As Bea pulled away, Ben still leaned towards her, still caught up in what had just happened. What _was_ going on?

“Oh hi, Nathan,” Bea cooed. “So sorry about that!”

“S’all good,” the guy said. “Catch you later.” With that, it finally sunk in.

“Ex?” Ben asked Bea.

“Yeah,” she said. “So…I guess we’re even now.”

“I guess so,” Ben agreed but somehow all he felt now was sad. All he could think about was kissing Bea again. Whoa, what was up with that? Surely he’d wanted to kiss someone this badly before…

“Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks,” Bea said. “Sorry I just…pounced on you like that.”

“It’s okay,” Ben said. “No big deal. Don’t worry about it.” This was it. Bea started to walk out again.

“Wait,” Ben said, catching her. He pulled her close and kissed her just like before, moving his mouth to match hers. When he finally pulled away, she was smiling.

Bea opened her mouth to speak but someone interrupted her.

“ _Whoa_ ,” a voice said.

Shit. They’d forgotten to shut the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Bea and Ben froze, hoping they could pretend that nothing had happened but it was clear that Balthazar had already seen them.

“WHOA,” Balthazar said again. “What’s going on?”

Neither of them said anything. Ben stared at Bea. Neither of them knew what was happening either. Balthazar started laughing.

“Pedro owes me five bucks now,” he said. “I’ll be right back. _Don’t move_.” Balthazar bolted off to find Pedro and probably the others too.

“We need to leave,” Bea said.

“There’s a window in the bathroom,” Ben said.

“Let’s go.” They went back into the bathroom, locked the door and opened the window.

“Ladies first,” Ben said but Bea just glared at him. “Fine.” Ben jumped out the window and landed on the grass of Pedro’s front yard. Bea followed him and they ran towards the car.

By the time Ben had pulled away from Pedro’s seat, they still hadn’t talked. Instead, they burst out laughing at what they had done.

“God, they probably think we’re still in there,” Bea said while laughing. “How long do you think it’ll take them to realise?”

“I don’t know,” Ben replied. Eventually the laughter died down and they were cruising silently through the streets on the way back to Bea’s house.

“How did everything suddenly get so complicated?” Bea asked. “One minute I agreed to help you scare off Rebecca and the next we’re locked in a bathroom together?”

“One minute you kiss me to scare off your ex and then the next…” Ben couldn’t even finish the sentence.

“I still think you’re a dickface,” Bea said.

“Nicely said, harpy,” Ben shot back. When they reached Bea’s house, she hesitated getting out of the car.

“I’ll - I’ll see you in physics on Monday, yeah?” she said. Ben thought about it. It would be so easy to just agree, to pretend like this hadn’t happened and just tell everyone that the kiss had been part of the act as well. Both kisses.

But Ben didn’t want that.

“I could see you for coffee tomorrow,” he said tentatively and watched for Bea’s explosive reaction.

It didn’t come.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “I might be up for it.”

“Then I might call you tomorrow,” Ben said.

As Ben drove home by himself, he thought about how crazy all of this was. Beatrice? Like, come on. They could never stop arguing. How could they ever work?

But Ben liked crazy. He liked crazy stories and crazy movies and crazy adventures.

He knew now he was crazy about Bea. That was enough for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go!
> 
> If you've got any ideas for nmtd fics that you'd like me to write, my tumblr ask is open! I've gotten a couple so far that should be coming soon x


End file.
